Our partner is the most important other person in our world, and we need frequent contact and conversation to stay attuned to each others lives, to share thoughts and feelings, to explore ideas and make decisions. We also need to be able to thrash out problems and talk about difficult issues – and it’s much easier to do this if we have a good habit of connecting and communicating.
Never underestimate the value of being with someone who wants to be with you. When facing each other we become attuned to each other’s facial expressions, we notice their body language and micro-communications. We’re sharing an in-the-moment connectedness, and this is profoundly bonding. Most relationships began with this experience – its what makes us feel loved, heard and understood.
Over time, several things happen that interfere with our capacity to talk openly and intimately. Inevitably couples will not always share the same views and needs, and will face disagreements. This is challenging, and the easier option is to avoid going over old ground and to leave things unsaid. But the cost is high, leading to a gradual limitation of what is spoken about, and can result in conversations focussing on practical matters, the children or world affairs, anything that is not deeply personal. If talking no longer is about sharing yourselves, then it ceases to be very meaningful or satisfying. A romantic dinner for a special occasion will be disappointing if conversation doesn’t flow, or if what is talked about causes tension.
Make time for talking – with busy and full lives the natural moments for sitting around together soon evaporate. Like most things worth having, you need to ensure that it does.
Good conversation is one of the high priority emotional needs for many people, and its an important element for all good relationships. When you feel connected to each other, being immersed in conversation and recalling shared experiences is a deep pleasure, and is to know the wonder of having our significant other totally preoccupied with us.
Develop a good habit of talking with each other often, so in the incidental times you’ll find it easy to drop into conversation. You will also find it easier to tackle more difficult issues if you are able to converse well. Like most things, it gets easier the more you do it.